We launched Friends at the End in January 2013 in order to support horse owners and carers when it is time to say goodbye to their beloved equine companion.
We offer free, confidential support to horse owners, carers, sharers, and loaners before, during and after the death or loss of a horse. You don’t need to be a BHS member to get support. The BHS Friends at the End team can be contacted by phone or email, and you’ll receive support from trained BHS staff or volunteers.
How can Friends at the End support?
All our Friends at the End team have received training from bereavement counsellors and have a genuine understanding of the loss and grief that comes when a horse passes. They aren’t there to take the place of a counsellor or vet, but they can offer an extra source of support. At the hardest time in a horse owner’s or carer’s journey, our Friends are available to make it as smooth and straightforward as possible.
Sometimes, a horse's passing is sudden – through colic, an accident, or emergency euthanasia. This kind of loss can be especially traumatic.
You might be left with unanswered questions, guilt, or the feeling that you didn’t get to say goodbye. These emotions are valid and deserve support.
We can talk with you about what happened, how you’re feeling, and help you begin to process the shock. Whether it’s days or months later, you're not alone.
When is the right time? Saying goodbye to your horse.
If you have worries or concerns about the what, where and how surrounding euthanasia, or are unsure whether it’s the right decision for your horse - we can help.
Studies have found that delayed euthanasia is one of the four most common negative impacts upon UK equine welfare (source: Horses in Our Hands, WHW 2016) and 7-8 UK horses are euthanised electively or due to an emergency (source: AESE, 2017).
Having an emergency care plan in place will give you peace of mind as it will:
- Make your yard manager/friends aware of your wishes if you can’t be contacted
- Give a plan of care if a vet is needed
- Ensure decisions are in line with your wishes and budget
- Include a euthanasia plan, just in case the worst should happen.
Download your emergency care plan today.
Quality of Life
More than 80 volunteer ‘BHS Friends’, are trained to support horse lovers through the difficult process of saying goodbye and are able to talk you through the options available. Depending on the circumstances, it doesn’t always have to end in euthanasia, and if there are other choices that will positively improve the horse’s quality of life, they will help to find them.
Tracking the behaviour of your much-loved horse will help you to understand their mental and physical wellbeing and their overall quality of life. This can sometimes be difficult to assess, especially when you see your horse every day.
We always encourage horse owners and carers to work closely with their vet to help with the decision-making process. If the best decision for your horse is for them to be put to sleep, BHS Friends will discuss the choices with you, from the method of euthanasia, to what to do afterwards.
The code of Professional Conduct for Veterinary Surgeons states: “The primary purpose of euthanasia is to relieve suffering.”
Many horse owners want to give their horse one last summer, but the BHS strongly advocates that “It’s better a week too soon than a day too late.”
How to cope after the loss of a horse
The days and weeks after saying goodbye to your horse can be incredibly hard. You might find yourself struggling with everyday routines or feeling lost without the quiet presence of your equine friend.
Here are some gentle ways to cope:
- Talk about your horse. Share your memories with trusted friends or family members who understand.
- Create a tribute. Whether it's a photo album, a poem, or planting a tree, creating a memory can help with the healing process.
- Write down your feelings. Keeping a journal can be a powerful outlet for your thoughts and emotions.
- Take care of yourself. It’s easy to forget to eat, rest or do things you enjoy, but your wellbeing matters too.
- Reach out. You don’t have to go through this alone. Our Friends at the End team is here to support you with kindness and understanding.
Memorial ideas for your horse
Finding a way to honour your horse's life can bring comfort and help you say goodbye. Here are some thoughtful ways to remember them:
- Memory box – Fill it with photos, plaits of mane or tail, and other mementos.
- Plant a tree or flowers in a favourite spot at the yard or home.
- Create a photo album or scrapbook that tells the story of your time together.
- Custom keepsakes like jewellery, portraits, or plaques.
- Donate in their name to a horse charity, giving something back in their honour.
Your bond with your horse is worth celebrating. Every memorial is unique and personal, just like the horse you loved.
Do horses grieve each other?
Yes, horses can and do grieve the loss of a herd mate. You may notice behavioural changes: calling for their friend, being withdrawn, or showing signs of anxiety.
Where possible, allowing the surviving horse to see the body and spend some time with them following the death has been shown to minimise their distress and to help them understand and accept the loss.
Keeping to a regular routine, offering gentle reassurance, and introducing new social companions gradually (if appropriate) can also help minimise anxious behaviour.
We’re happy to talk through what you’re seeing and offer support for both you and your remaining horse.
A final farewell
Read Vin and Sonia’s story of making the decision to say goodbye to their beloved horses Artie and Tyson and how they were helped by our Friends at the End scheme.
Tyson and Artie
To help you make an informed decision we can chat about:
- Your horse’s current health/behaviour concerns
- Worries you may have
- Euthanasia methods and arrangements for collection and how to organise these
- How we can offer emotional support
On the day of saying goodbye we can help by:
- Email and phone support on the day, depending on the owner or carer’s preference
- To be with you and your horse in person (location dependant) including holding their horse whilst they are euthanised
- A cup of tea and a chat afterwards
After your horse has gone, we can be there for:
- Confidential emotional support
- Signposting to other bereavement services as needed
- We want you to feel able to contact us for support, no matter how much time has passed after the loss of your horse.
Not everyone may want to talk about their emotions, so we tailor this service to each person.
Joanne’s tribute to Ral
“Together for 30 years, and now we must say goodbye. You have stayed by my side almost daily for 30 years. And I write to remember now, to remember your beauty, your spirit, your perfect soul… Sometimes we got lost in the forest and it would get dark, sometimes we’d climb the mountain, a full day’s ride, but always, we were happy. We never fought; it was so easy with you. Some of my happiest times of my life were spent in Rainbow Trails, you and me, surrounded by trees and sky and clouds…. I give you your peace now, my beloved horse. Thank you, Raleigh, for coming into my life. Goodbye, my beloved horse, I will miss you.
In memory of: Walter Raleigh – June 1, 1988 – September 5, 2024
Joanne got in touch to see if Friends at the End would be the right source of support for her.
“BHS Friends at the End was an invaluable support on the day I had to euthanise my beloved 36-year-old horse. Even though the representative came from quite a distance, she arrived on time, and offered any support needed, including holding my horse. In my case, she held my phone as it played farewell music as I said my final goodbyes to my beloved friend. We had been together thirty years, and I did not know if I could go through with it. Friends at the End made it much easier, and I was able to be the best I could be when my horse peacefully passed as I held his head. Afterwards she and I had a hot drink together, and I was never left on my own till I felt it okay to do so. Her support was kind, intuitive, and non-judgemental: a perfect companion at a heartbreaking time when my emotions were everywhere.”
